Saturday, December 10, 2011

Mentoring newly married



To learn the ropes of marriage, just like any other trade, mentorship from an experienced couple is an asset, writes ANTHONY KAGIRI
Every new course of life requires orientation and marriage is no exception.
Orientation helps one learn the ropes of atrade and exposes them to likely hurdles. In marriage, pre-marital counselling offers the opportunity to learn the baby steps.
Pre-marital counselling can take different fronts and shapes, but the aim should always be to expose lovebirds planning to marry into the life to come.
Trust, respect and faith are critical virtues of pre-marital counselling and any counsel should be true to these. One should not seek this critical help from sources they are suspicious of.
Mentorship
Over time, spiritual leadership has played the critical role of mentorship into marriage. Most couples who wed in church often go through pre-marital counseling organised by the church. In most cases, even those who are not ardent church goers have benefited immensely from the spiritual wisdom.
In most instances pastors and Imams have worthwhile wisdom springing from the divine guidance of the law of God. In addition the clergy are able to blend the divine wisdom with life realities. Having possibly counselled many married couples, well-endowed clergy are able to borrow from the experiences of others and offer tried and tested life principles, which remain great assets to the newlyweds.
It is important that any couple gets a clergy who offer contemporary wisdom based on the scriptures and enriched by life skills. If your pastor preaches a sermon to you without practical application and wisdom for living, then you might as well look elsewhere for pre-marital counselling.
Looking up to an older couple for mentorship is a source of invaluable wisdom. It could be a couple you have always looked up to, a pastor, an uncle or an aunt. The key is to get a couple who can walk with you and your partner as you make baby steps of marriage. The advantage of old couples is that they have tested and tried these tips for living.
Getting a couple not so old in marriage, say about two to five years is another interesting option. The advantage of a younger couple is that they connect with you easily since you belong to the same age group. Since it is likely you will face the same challenges and realities they offer updated insights.
Best couple
Best couples have played a crucial role in orientating the marrying couple into the new life. It is critical that your choice of best couple is guided by this need.
A best couple offers a closer mentorship. Avoid getting someone to just stand behind you and lookgood, instead get someone who can inspire your future.
I personally chose an elderly couple who were my friends to be our best couple and the experience was wonderful. They greatly enriched our lives.
The reality about marriage is that we learn on the job and the best person to offer counsel is that who has gone before you. Your unmarried friends are obviously not an option on marriage counsel. The best your girlfriends can offer are prayers and encouragement. Just like a blind man cannot guide another blind man, so can a bachelor not advise on marriage.
This is not to say that your single friends have no place during the wedding period, your closest friend can offer very refreshing emotional support.
Marriage is a critical journey that needs all the support you can get. No matter what, don’t walk alone; get someone to walk with you. Someone to share with, someone to offer a shoulder to lean on and one to offer guidance when need be.
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