My wife is having an affair with her boss

My wife and I have been married for ten years and we have four children. When we got married, she didn’t have a college education so I supported her through university and assisted her to get a job. She now makes double what I earn, so she was the one supporting our long-term projects. For some time now, I have been suspecting that she is having an affair. From my investigations, I have learned that she has been seeing her boss. She was two months pregnant last month and when I confronted her about the affair, she denied it and a few weeks later she had a miscarriage. I was sure the pregnancy was not mine. The affair is now confirmed and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t trust her and I don’t like that she works together with the man. She denies it but I have evidence. I am confused and feel betrayed. Please help.

{Moses}

Your take:

You need advice from a trusted counsellor or a close friend because of what you are going through. Take time to find the cause of your problems. Do not rush to make any decisions.

{Felix Odhiambo}

Moses, any man would be bitter after educating a woman only for her to betray him like your wife has done. However, you already have children and it would not be easy to walk out of the marriage. Confront her with the evidence and give her a chance to explain. If she admits and accepts to change, forgive and forget. But if she accepts but does not change, forget about her and move on.

{Tasma Charles}

Did you say you have evidence? This is what I got:

1.The affair is confirmed.

2. You do not trust her anymore.

3.She had a miscarriage of a pregnancy you are sure was not yours. What more are you waiting for? Life is too short to waste. Forget about the college fees you paid and move on!

{Charles Opil}

It’s clear your wife is cheating on you but that’s not the end of the world. Talk to her about the problem and make her realise her mistake. Visit a marriage counsellor for professional advice. If she continues seeing her boss, she is no longer interested in you and you must file for divorce.

{Wycklife Odhiambo}

First, congrats for sponsoring your wife back to school. However, your mistake was spy ing on her. Maybe this is why she got a miscarriage. You should have done your research well to be sure where the problem started. Be patient, positive and work hard to win her back for the sake of your children.

{James Salimba, Nairobi}

If you love life, don’t waste time with her. If it has reached a point where her boss impregnated her, it means their relationship has gone too far. Divorce is the only way out of this mess. She will realise her mistake later.

{Jerry Oyongo, Mathare North}

Investigate what caused her miscarriage and visit a VCT centre. She should be ashamed of herself for disrespecting you after funding her education, which opened doors for her.

Talk to her in the presence of a close confidant, your parents, church elders and her boss. Let her know you are not pleased with what she is doing.

{Onyango Outha Jauduny – Karadolo}

It is a pity that she does this to you after all you have done for her. There are some things you can’t force, but I know that she will eventually apologise. Don’t chase her away. Instead, seek help from a marriage counsellor. Give her a second chance.

{Ogara George}

My take:

He who sharpens a blade

Moses, one wise saying from my community says: "He who sharpens a blade must be prepared to nurse wounds inflicted by it."

She is now enlightened and the fact that she is making more money than you, may bring contempt in the relationship.

Sometimes success overwhelms people and they let it get into their heads like your wife did. In a marriage, it shouldn’t matter who is making more and if she is arrogant because she is making more money than you, someone ought to remind her where she has come from and who is behind it.

If she is reasonable, this would bring her to her senses.

Affair with her boss

An affair in marriage is a bad thing; an affair in the office is a totally bad idea especially where the woman is married. Married men always get away with so much unlike married women — the stigma follows them for years.

The problem here is that the two — wife and boss — may still be working together thus increasing the likelihood of recurring the affair.

About the miscarriage, I think there is more to it than meets the eye.

Once she realised you had evidence against her, she knew it would only be a matter of time before you demand a paternity test. Maybe she opted for an abortion and lied that it was a miscarriage.

This also implies something else even more disturbing — they may have been having unprotected sex.

If this is the case, she may have exposed you to an STD like HIV. Get tested for the virus just to be sure.

What to do about the affair

It would be wrong to sweep this matter under the carpet. Raise this issue with the management of where she is working.

The management may decide to take action but even if they do not, at least they may tone it down to avoid further embarrassment.

Forcing her to quit her job may not be easy, but if she is willing to do it, it may be the best cause of action. Once she is out of there, you will have peace of mind.

{Taurus}