MONEY AND FAMILY MEDDLING

Money and interference from the extended family are major causes of marital conflict.

Only 26 per cent of married couples cited faithfulness as the pillar holding their marriage afloat. In fact, faithfulness is ranked 14 on a list of 16 causes of marital conflict. Doesn’t monogamy matter any more to today’s couples?

Socially extinct

“Monogamy still rules the covenant of marriage, but the concept of the covenant of marriage is fast becoming socially extinct,” says Ken Ouko, a Nairobi University sociology lecturer.

The reason is that today’s marriage comes in many forms and as a result, the covenant union is nothing but a symbolic gesture used to announce the couple’s conformity to a popular social habit.

“The reality is that alternative forms of marital co-existence make the basic rule of monogamy (fidelity) look like mere acknowledgement that does not necessarily invite strict conformity,” adds Ouko.

While 52 per cent of women interviewed cited infidelity as one of the main causes of disharmony, 21 per cent of the men blamed their wives’ unfaithfulness on the grey cloud covering their marriage.

Though more women than men blamed their spouses’ infidelity for their shaky marriage, it is obvious that women too are straying from their marital bed.

Ouko attributes this to the fact that women today are fiercely independent, and, unlike the traditional wife whose peace of mind rested on the presumption of her husband’s fidelity, the modern wife focuses on other pillars of happiness.

“The other reason is that the modern woman enters marriage for totally different reasons, while men still get married for the same old reasons,” he says.

That is why, he explains, the behaviour of the male spouse remains fixated and predictable, while the behaviour of the female one has enjoyed “a curious metamorphosis that perfectly suits the ideals of the modern wife”.

Top the list

Dr Pius Mutie, also a sociology lecturer at the university, isn’t surprised that unfaithfulness does not top the list of factors scuttling majority of marriages in Kenya. In many societies, he says, women have accepted the ‘fact’ that men are unfaithful by nature.

“To such a woman, economic support and care for the children would be the most important,” he says. He also notes that there has been a rapid social change where women are “hitting back” by having a relationship of their own if they discover or suspect that the man is unfaithful.