Brilliant madness

By Peter Ndoria and Joseph OndiekGenius has always been associated with absurdity, like Vincent van Gogh slashing off an earlobe in a moment of deep emotion. It is said Albert Einstein was always absent minded and consumed in his complex thoughts that he would walk past his house and knock a door at the wrong address.
But it’s the weird actions of some of these gentlemen of the books that lend credence that PhD should indeed be changed to mean permanent head damage.
A professor at a local institution has taken scholarly eccentricity to the highest level. He has conspicuous car bedecked with funny looking objects; two old tins fixed at the bumper, windscreen plastered with philosophical anecdotes and rims painted in many colours. The jalopy sometimes fails to start and students have to call their muscles to action.
It’s said there was a time the professor had a court case in which the Vice Chancellor had sacked him for alleged impropriety. But he caused consternation when he arrived in the courtroom pushing a wheelbarrow full of books and academic papers he had authored, openly challenging his boss to do the same.
The judge was more impressed by his academic credentials and less by his antics and he spared him the wrath after reproaching him for his deleterious behaviour.
There is also another don who enjoys being alone and is known to spend time at a club in Nairobi West. He sits on the same seat reserved for him and takes booze in studious silence year in year out.
Another bespectacled former lecturer in Chemical Science strolls around the city alone with a heavy brown, dirty bag. The bag’s contents are a mystery. It is very old, torn and patched up. He only spends his free time with a fellow Makerere university graduate and passes other people as if they are sculptures.
Dirty abodeSome of the highly learned cannot blend in the society. They rarely care about their physical appearance and will often let their beard grow into a messy bush, wear their ties sideways, mix up colours and show up in strange attire and slippers to class.
There is a professor who had instructions that his study room should never be arranged, even when the house was being cleaned because he knew where he kept everything. His desk looked like a blast scene yet if you asked him for a book, he would pick it out precisely.
Another professor used to walk into the lecture room, subject the class to a monotonous monologue for an hour. No one was supposed to ask questions. He would then stop abruptly, pack and walk out.
Despite being a lecturer, consultant for various companies and a certified public secretary, he prefers to take a matatu and takes lunch at a food kiosk alongside students. He never engages in the usual chitchat during lunch and has never bought a meal for any student. He is also a heavy smoker and blows the smoke to anyone who comes close.
A colleague of his (God rest his soul) had a penchant for the bottle and would dismiss class halfway to go for a tot. He was said to have cleared his masters and PhD in record time. As long as he stayed lucid, he would teach without notes or teaching aids. Stories circulated that he had no time to mark Continuous Assessment Tests (CATs) and would throw the papers down the staircase. He would then award marks in descending order as he picked the papers on his way down. It was not uncommon to find two people who worked together, quoted the same sources, used the same books and gave the same answers get different marks.
There is one lecturer who preferred the company of students on Friday campus carousal. One day, he blacked out. Some mischievous students cleaned his pockets of cash and car keys, drove to town for an all night bar hopping rave. They only returned in the morning, woke him up where he thanked them for watching over his car.
In the village, some intellectuals are notorious chang’aa drinkers. There is one in Kisumu who gives children he meets on the road Sh1,000 each to buy sweets when he is drunk.
Sweets for examsTalking about sweets, another lecturer believed eating sweets and intelligence were not mutually exclusive. He would provide each candidate with four sweets before sitting for exams. None failed in his paper although there were questions whether he really marked them.
A sociology professor told Crazy Monday that his colleagues’ odd behaviours are deeply rooted in their inherent traits and working environment.
He also says they experience pressure from societal expectations and desire to achieve. Some simply succumb.
Some months ago, a Maseno University lecturer drove for several kilometres, parked his car by the roadside and took a plunge of death into the raging river Yala. It is said he was suffering from acute mental breakdown.
Some of these educated people have extreme phobia of going back to their rural homes, lest they be bewitched.
In Awendo District, there is a professor who has never returned home since he got the job. When his mother died, he just sent money for funeral expenses, claiming he was busy and his presence would not bring back the dead mother anyway.
People derisively refer to the home as ‘gunda professor’ (deserted homestead).
Mzee Stefano, his distant cousin cannot fathom the oddity of his relation. He says according to culture, people have only houses in Nairobi but homes in rural areas. He says failure to build a home is an abomination.
But he blames the wife who hails from a different tribe for cutting off their worthy son from the family.
Mzee Stefano told Crazy Monday some intellectuals exhibit odd behaviours when they make the rare trips back home.
"They’ll arrive when the funeral process is ongoing and depart when it’s over, not caring to partake food in the home."
Recently in Awendo, a distinguished doctor defied all traditional conventions and banned people from mourning his departed daughter. He had selected those to attend the burial ceremony and on the burial day he slapped drunken mourners who defied his proclamation.
Some lecturers head dysfunctional families where sons and daughters have obstinately refused to follow the parent’s footprints and end up as complete junkies.
Some intellectuals are infamous for being frugal. A professor from western Kenya is said to be so mean that when he buys newspapers, he refuses to leave or collect his Sh5 balance later, forcing the vendor to abandon everything to hunt for the change.
Promiscuity is also known to be their stock in trade. Some have been scandalized for getting in sex for marks romps (sexually transmitted degrees) with female students.
Some are known for the love of the bottle. You’ll find them huddled in a corner with students, imbibing cheap liquor. Occasionally, as the spirits flow into their heads and befuddle their senses, they’ll take to the dance floor with female students, some seducing them to safe marks in the exams.
Perhaps, research should be carried out on why some of the intellectuals are so queer.