Antics of city dwellers

Most folks employ wacky tricks to impress kin and kith. But sometimes the strategies fail miserably, writes GEORGE OLWALOWhen city dwellers visit the villages, some behave in a comical manner, sometimes leaving their hosts shocked. Some individuals work hard to impress the rural folk that by going to the city, they have crossed both social and economic bridges and theirs is a life devoid of the daily heartaches.
The drama starts immediately one alights at the main road or bus station. From here, even those whose homes are a few metres away, insist on taking a motorcycle instead of walking to arrive home in style. The roar of the machine announces to all and sundry of their presence.
Others, despite carrying light luggage that can be carried by hand, feel a sense of greatness and hire two motorcycles, one for the luggage and the other for the passenger. A perfect show of opulence!
Some city dwellers value impressionism and any visit to the countryside leaves pockets yawning. Whenever they plan to visit the village, they hire sleek cars and cheat villagers the cars belong to them.
Daniel, a tobacco farmer in Uriri District in Migori County, says his schoolmate comes home in different vehicles every time he visits the countryside. The man, he says, told villagers the cars were his. Many believed him but some were suspicious, arguing the young man had not stayed for long in employment to enable him acquire such expensive and magnificent assets.
Recently, Daniel was stranded in Nairobi where the man works. He rang the ‘tycoon’ and after narrating his predicament, the man agreed to accommodate him. The villager later learnt the ‘tycoon’ rented a one-roomed house in a crowded estate and did not own any vehicle. The exhibitionist city dweller went to work via matatu.
Security guards"Many city dwellers love to portray themselves as wealthy when they are in rural areas. This ostentation, hardly benefits them," observes Daniel.
If you thought it is only politicians who surround themselves with round the clock security guards, you are mistaken. Some city dwellers too have platoon of security men when they are in the rural areas. These guards are villagers who crave handouts. They surround the city men whenever they go. Strangely, these men are offered cheap liquor and little money. Some city dwellers love their company and ask about them the moment they arrive home.
"They are fond of these villagers who mostly behave like lunatics upon taking liquor. Many times they compose songs to praise their benefactor," says John from Kakola in Nyando District.
John says some city dwellers have blindly plunged into politics because such minions cheat them they are popular yet it is a mirage.
Certain behaviours among city dwellers boarder on madness. One confounding behaviour is the habit of fishing out big notes from the wallet whenever they are shopping at local trading centres. It is ridiculous that even when buying cheap items that costs Sh10, a man fishes out a Sh1,000 note.
Jared, from Nyamira, says his neighbour keeps money in different denominations in different pockets. So while at the shopping centre he produces big notes from a specific pocket and leaves the smaller denominations.
This habit, Jared opines, is common when the man in question is in the company of former schoolmates. The purpose is to impress their schoolmates they are doing well financially.
Another trend, which Jared says is annoying but is rapidly gaining ground is walking around with ‘bottled’ water.
"One time I shared a rural eatery with a city dweller. The man had a big bottle that he said contained mineral water. The man swore he drinks special water and never takes piped water. I believed him but when I visited his home it was different," discloses Jared.
Moments of madnessJared says when he visited the man unannounced at his rural home, he heard the man instructing his younger sister to fill his water container with water from the pot.
It should not be lost that Kenyans acquire strange accents when they go abroad. They equally pick up corrupted accents when they visit local cities.
James Anunda says his neighbour only stayed for two months at the Coast and when she returned home, she spoke like the Swahili. The woman could impress her village mates with the Coastal accent. To some people, a stay in the city makes them develop ‘dislike’ for some foods and eating habits.
Willis Chacha says he is conversant with a man who did construction work in Nairobi. While at construction sites, the man could drink porridge served in large plastic bowls and eat githeri. But when the man returned home he behaved differently. He swore to his relatives he could not withstand the sight of porridge and that he only took tea served in a special cup. The man would frown when tea was poured to him in a large plastic mug. Willis wonders why the man could afford to starve in the name of sophistication while in truth he was a heavy feeder and ate enormous quantities of food while in the city.
Majority of Kenyans are mean with their airtime. They prefer to send short text messages to their friends instead of calling but when these same people visit rural areas, they display an air of extravagance by engaging in mindless phone calling and airtime buying spree.
Tobias says his cousin sends many ‘please call me messages’ while at the city but when the cousin visits the countryside, he engages in elaborate calls in the name of catching up with the friends he left behind in Nairobi.
He says the cousin is also not a serious reader to reckon with and rarely buys newspapers. But when the man comes home, he says, he religiously buys at least two national dailies for the entire period he is at home. He just flips through the newspapers and quickly discards them.
"The main purpose is to show he is an ideal urbanite with debonair lifestyles," remarks Tobias.
But of all the weird behaviours of city dwellers Teresa in Migori County says the tendency to lie about the day one plans to return to Nairobi is most annoying.
"When a city dweller tells you he or she is returning by Saturday, you should know the person will be leaving before the day mentioned," says the mother of two.
Teresa attributes this to superstition. Some people believe if they state the exact date when they are travelling, those with evil eyes will bewitch them.
Lack of bus fareOthers say city dwellers often hide the exact date of travelling to evade fulfilling some of the many promises they pledge.
Some city dwellers, says Teresa, are a clumsy. She observes some portray an upscale lifestyle while in the countryside but when time comes to return to the city, they become stranded for lack of bus fare.
Teresa says there is a man who got stranded in Kakamega and had to beg his parents to sell a hen or a goat to raise bus fare back to Nairobi.
And, when the parents are not willing to part with any of their domestic animals, the broke city dwellers either sell their fashionable and expensive clothes or let go their fancy cell phones at laughable prices. Some loiter at the main road and beg truck drivers for free rides.
Rebecca says she knows a young man who did an unthinkable thing after realising he had ran out of cash.
He took their goats out and cheated his parents he wanted to help graze for a day but instead went to a nearby livestock market, sold two goats and got money to travel back to the city.