RAILA ODINGA

Raila Odinga does not get it. After the welcome extended to him to join government, purely on humanitarian grounds, he insists on throwing his weight around despite losing the presidential election with such a huge margin.

Nothing illustrates this humanitarianism better than recent findings of the election courts, which so far suggest more drastic but plausible methods of altering poll outcomes to place them beyond contestation.

You could burn the ballots, lose them, misallocate the numbers or even cancel results from unfavourable polling areas.

Instead of declaring that President Kibaki beat Raila by a meagre 226,302 votes, why, the Electoral Commission of Kenya (miss you guys!) could just have added a miserable zero to the number, and the result would still be believable.

As Prime Minister, Raila Odinga arrived expecting everyone to love him. Therefore, when he first showed up expecting to squeeze into the presidential chair, the government had to put him in his rightful place — behind the Vice- President and minister for Home Affairs — where he has stuck like glue.

Another misconception the Prime Minister had to be cured of was that his nusu mkate (half-loaf) powers allowed him to appoint permanent secretaries, ambassadors and directors of State corporations.

The power sharing deal was about cutting the breakfast loaf into two, not divvying up the cereal, margarine, sausages and eggs. That argument was, mercifully, ended by the President’s strength of character alone. Keep doing the same thing until you get it right.

Introducing a total stranger to government can create shock and even breed resentment in the Civil Service.

As part of anger management, it was necessary to encourage public servants to treat the Prime Minister with just a little contempt. For example, it did not hurt to have the Head of Public Service contradict him twice a week.

Get the Government spokesman to nettle him with his weekly statement to the public, and some provincial commissioner to lay half a carpet on the podium when the Prime Minister goes visiting.

If he says there will be police reform, have the police commissioner and the minister for security say the police was not in need of reforms. If the PM suggested that it was lawful to hold a demonstration, ban it and crush those who defy the ban with bullets and tear gas.

It has even come to being personal, such as when the Prime Minister was summoned to the President’s private suit at Kilaguni to converse with His Excellency through a shower curtain, if only to teach him some humility. He missed the event, together with the lesson.

Abroad, the Prime Minister has tried to use his extensive extended family to meet world leaders and been discouraged by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, as happened when he tried to officially meet US President Barack Obama.

Matters were not helped by the fact that all this time, the Prime Minister would stare at Head of Public Service Francis Muthaura’s greying head and imagine replacing him with a crop of all-black kinked hair.

Then, in his short life as Prime Minister, Mr Raila Odinga has come so close to writing the bestseller, How to Lose Friends and Annoy People.

There is no virtue in taking a toilet break as soon as the sale of the Grand Regency Hotel starts giving off an odorous whiff, then leaving then Finance minister Amos Kimunya to face Parliament alone.

There is no honour in insisting on justice for the victims of post-election violence when it is clear some of the people in your party are top on the list of suspected masterminds, financiers and perpetrators of crimes in that crisis.

There is no valour in extending yourself on the reclamation of the Mau Complex by threatening the property holdings of the very people who financed your presidential campaign.

There is no wisdom in sacrificing friends and political allies in the war against corruption. It has never brought anyone anything but misery and opprobrium.

Ask John Githongo, who spent two years whispering corruption things into President Kibaki’s ear. He had to go into hiding in exile for that.

THE PM MUST KNEEL BEFORE THE President, beg pardon and ask him very politely: Mzee, don’t you think Ongeri has too much grey hair, a thing that even you with your wisdom do not have?

See, I have dyed my moustache and in order to present an image of youth, you should let the guy go.

Tomorrow, Ongeri would be home in the public interest. Ruto has an angular face, which generally does not lend itself to television. Let him go, too.

Even after these numerous pointed hints and suggestions that the Prime Minister is extra baggage in a government that was already complete, up and running even as he screamed for help from the world, he does not get it.

Suspending ministers over corruption allegations under the pretext of supervising them is sheer chicanery. There is no place for cheek in government, which is why the President did not take a day to reverse that nonsense.

Another person would have taken the cue, packed his bags and left, but not the Prime Minister. Perhaps the only way to get to him is to withdraw all the carpets and toilets from Jomo Kenyatta International Airport ahead of his return from Japan.

May be he might get it, finally.

kwamchetsi@formandcontent.co.ke