LAUGH

hehehehehee. How about Adongo Ogony for president.

First of all I will re-open Nyayo House torture chambers within ten days in office. I will put all ex-M.Ps there for five years. After I leave they can form their TJRC and I will deny everything. mta do? I will ban political rallies for five years. We are sick of a talking nation, aren't we?

Anyhow I am considering recruiting some core staff from Jukwaa to be my henchmen and women in running the new and improved Nyayo House Torture Chambers. Any takers? All Applications will have full confidential protection from my recruitment team. Nothing to worry about.

Second, I will abolish the KACC immediately. There is no need to pay billions to protect thieves legally. I will allow thieves to do their thing without unnecessary waste of time chasing them around only to let them off the hook. There will be no good money chasing bad money under my watch.

I will abolish all ethnic languages. Speak English, Kiswahili or shut the f up. That will be the end of tribalism. My language cohesion police (not to be mistaken by the ineffective Kibunja commission) will be in full force to arrest all offenders of the language law.

Also, I will issue an order for all Kenyans to have only the following types of names depending on which day they were born. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. That is it. No first name no last name. You can use the same name in English or Kiswahili. That way this maneno of combing lists of employees to see which tribe or gender they are will be over and done with. Thus the Dragon of tribalism and nepotism will be slain forever.

Do I hear some applause already? Very good.

Fourth. I will order all residents of Nyanza to descend into Lake Victoria and uproot all the hacynth with their bare hands or whatever. They can swim, drown or whatever. I just want the damn hacynth out. There is no way a bunch of creepy plants can destory the livelihood of millions of people while they stand by. Get into the lake and get that thing out maramoja. My goons will be waiting for anybody who tries to get our of the lake before the work is done. Remember I have Nyayo House already. It can be divolved into mashinani if need be.

Fifth all slums in Kenya will be levelled within the first 100 days in office. If you don't have a descent house or apartment you have no business polluting our cities with the ugliness of slums. Where you go is your problem. You can cross the border if you want and be Museveni's or kikwete's problem. Better still go to Somali and start your own country, after all most of these jamas have guns already. Go there and fight for a country and leave us alone to enjoy our cities with tourists.

Sixth, I will destroy all the so called water towers in the Mau and elsewhere with dynamite and bulldozers and hand over forest harvests to timber traders and makaaa burners. After all we all know rain does not come from trees it comes from the sky. After leveling out the water towers and the forests the skies will be able to clearly see the earth in our land and rain on it furiously with no end in sight.

That way the happy citizens below can plant all year round and swim with fish in all the lakes that will develop from the endless rains. Tourists and environmentalists from all over the world will be invited to see this spectacle and it will be officially named the 9th wonder of the world. I hope to win a Nobel Prize for this effort, failure of which may prompt breaking ties with Norway. We are not going to be a joking nation. That I can assure my beloved supporters and all citizens.

Those are the things I will destroy to start building the country. My exploratory team is working on the things we will actually build.

But with the kind of great start I am promising you can all see the sky will be the limit. Great times ahead folks. Yes indeed.

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