Love brewed in an Internet pot

SOPHIA KHAKASA peeps into Facebook where lust overpowers love

It starts with a little chat, some teasing and flirting and in no time, a harmless long distance and virtual romance has blossomed into a full-blown illicit affair.

Yes, Facebook has become the latest home breaker in town. It is wrecking relationships and causing divorce, with many victims blaming relations hatched through Internet at the expense of their families.

The truth of the matter is that if you are a married man or woman who takes your partner for granted, someone is charming and complimenting him or her on Facebook and before long, they will be getting it elsewhere.

Married women who are hardly noticed by their husbands have especially been noted to post seductive pictures — some approaching nudity — on their profiles, complete with sexy eyes to attract attention. And predatory men are making a kill and laughing all the way to nirvana.

Text messages

In days now long gone by, couples used to catch their cheating spouses by peeping through their mobile phone text messages when the cheating partner was in the bathroom. Some men, desperate to throw nosy wives off-track, even camouflaged their girlfriends as ‘mechanic’ or Kenya Power’ on their phones.

Getting into an affair was tricky because you never knew who was watching when you ‘tuned’ that waitress at the bar or got ‘tuned’ by that hunk of a gym instructor.

Now that is a thing of the past. You want to get in touch with an old flame for old times sake? You want to have an affair with a married man with a stable family? Hit Facebook. All you need to do is ‘poke’ him.

Says 34-year-old *Mwangi Mugo: "I would not allow my wife to join that thing. If I ever find out she is on Facebook, I will divorce her on the spot."

Mugo says he plays around with women on Facebook and knows from experience that this is not the right place for a married woman.

*Diana Alivitsa, a secretary in Kakamega town learnt that the hard way because she had no idea that her husband of ten years was on Facebook.

"I took a picture of myself in a mini skirt with my feet propped up on the seat. It sent my male ‘friends’ wild on Facebook, with many of them commenting about my sexy thighs. But little did I know that my husband had sent me a friend request using a fake name and that all along, he had been monitoring and reading my posts as I flirted with men," says a downcast Alivitsa.

That evening, her husband, Bob, arrived home looking ghastly and hostile. He even refused to eat his favourite dish.

When Alivista politely asked what was wrong, he slapped and asked her why she was showing her thighs to other men on Facebook like a prostitute. Despite her pleas, he ordered her out of their matrimonial home. A year later, he is yet to forgive her.

No wonder a considerable number of men interviewed by Crazy Monday said they would not marry a woman who is on Facebook.

"If I want to have a relationship with a decent woman, my first question is whether she is on Facebook. That is my number one condition," says Peter Juma. "My experience as an IT specialist and a Facebook fan has taught me that give a woman a computer and she will be unfaithful to you. She will always be on the Internet with her lover and you will never know," says Juma.

Barmaid

Unlike in the old days when promiscous men were restricted to workmates, the barmaid or a discreet liaison with a sex worker, getting some these days is as easy as picking one’s nose, thanks to Facebook.

One night-stands (if a lunch time tryst can be called thus) with married men is a common affair while sexy midnight chats for lonely wives whose husbands are out canoodling with other women is part of the game.

"Tell me what you want!" one scantily dressed woman posts on Facebook. She is actually a well kept but lonely housewife looking for company because her husband is overseas.

Neglected

In less than five minutes, men start responding like a swarm of bees challenging her to a night’s duel: "So sexy!". "The most beautiful thing since Eve!" "The star of the night..." By end of the night, she will have slept with one of them.

For sexually and emotionally neglected wives, Facebook is a godsend. They chat up a handsome man and coyly ask, "What is your shoe size?"

That is often a cue that something is a miss on the home front. Men, ever predators, naturally take advantage and fill the void weekly or monthly. Other women even identify sperm donors on Facebook by selecting people with a passing resemblance to their husbands, especially if the man of the house is ‘firing blanks’ or is too lazy to get the job done. Sometimes, they simply desire a child who is more intelligent or handsome than their husbands.

No wonder some couples complain that they can no longer have a meaningful conversation with their spouses at home because their partners are hooked on Facebook.

Heartbreak

"My husband is permanently on his IPad. He pretends to be working hard, but whenever I peep at his "alleged report", I find he is on Facebook. I have even warned him to choose between his Facebook lovers and me. If he wants to marry Facebook, I will leave him and we shall see if the Internet can cook his meals and drive the children to school," says Amina, an administration assistant in Nairobi.

But not just married people are feeling the sting. *Lina Bosire, a young businesswoman blames Facebook for her heartbreak.

"One of those ‘prostitutes’ on Facebook stole my boyfriend a week to our wedding. She started sending bad stories about me to his inbox and posting very nice comments about him on all his public posts. They are now married," Lina bitterly recalls.

So if you have been taking Facebook for granted it is time to watch out because you may soon lose your man or woman to a faceless adversary on the Internet.

Like women who study newspaper obituary pages to find lonely widowers to seduce, married men and women are all over Facebook sending condolence messages to people they do not even know. They say, "Rest in Peace. Let her Rest in Peace. Be Strong. The Lord will give you courage to go through this difficult moment." Yet all they want is a fling.

Childish

But Alex Mulinge, a 27-year-old accountant, sees it differently and thinks it’s childish to bar your spouse or to spy on them on Facebook.

"Bad relationships have nothing to do with Facebook. Some men and women are just stupid and jealous. If you invest in a good relationship, it does not matter where you are or whom you associate with. You will always be faithful to your partner," says Alex.

Morals

Robin Matara, a Nairobi-based pastor, doesn’t think so. He instead advises married couples to keep off Facebook.

"Bad company spoils morals. Some of those Facebook idlers are up to no good and can lead a diligent wife or husband astray in no time. For the young, remember an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Chances that you will get a God fearing wife or husband are almost nil if you spend all your time chatting with strangers on Facebook," he says.

Either way, many illicit affairs have been forged on Facebook.

And it all began with a harmless chat, a little teasing and flirting and in no time...