Out of sight out of mind

By Shirley
Thomas has been married for five years and has a four-year-old son. Although he got employed immediately after finishing college, his wife was not lucky and struggled to get employment even though she had a degree. Last year, his wife Mary finally got tired of job hunting and decided to go back to school for a Masters degree hoping it would open more opportunities for her.
Because her sister was already in the US, Mary decided to go study in America. But Thomas wanted her to study in Kenya but she was adamant, saying her sister was willing to accommodate her and help her pay the bills.
Last year, he paid for her trip to the US. Because they both knew a long distant relationship was difficult to manage, they decided to communicate as much as possible.
After going to the US in June, last year, they kept in touch daily. She would keep him updated on her life while he kept her updated on the progress of their son.
But after three months, his wife’s phone calls got fewer. Daily phone calls slowly turned into twice a week then once a week. He tried to talk to his wife to find out why she was withdrawing but she claimed to be busy at school.
no calls
Even that one phone call per week became rare thus he was forced to call her. Whenever he failed to call her, she would not call back unlike before when she insisted on calling because it was cheaper for her than for him. Then six months ago, she not only stopped calling but also stopped picking his phone calls.
Thomas tried to call her sister but the number never went through. Then he talked to her friends and family but no one was ready to discuss the matter. He was so worried believing something had happened to his wife, refusing to believe she could leave him and their son.
But last week, he met Mary’s friend who said she had talked to Mary two days ago and she sounded happy and fine. He also found out that while his wife had not spoken to him in six months, she had been in contact with her family and friends.
Thomas claimed he was so upset and hurt that his wife had chosen to ignore his calls. Thomas says he still loves Mary and he wants to travel to the US and bring her back, but is confused about whether it is the correct approach.
My advice to Thomas is that he needs to come to terms with the fact that his wife has left him and thus find a way to move on. Once a person decides they are not interested in a marriage, there is nothing to change their minds because the choice to remain in a relationship is personal.
What she did to him was wrong, but he cannot force her to change.