Is your spouse happy?

By Getrude Mungai
People often ask me to explain how one can gauge if a spouse is satisfied between the sheets.
"She just lies there," most men would say; like a popular comedian puts it; Kifo cha mende (death of a cockroach).
While many women would say he does not ask for it anymore and when he does, he has problems reaching climax. People asking these questions are well into their marriages, especially after the honeymoon; usually about two years of marriage and after the arrival of the first child. I trace the genesis of these problems to the misconception among young women that the youthful high libido will last forever.
The men suddenly realise that arousing a woman is not just pegged on their good looks, charms and sexual prowess.
They realise they have to work extra hard and the usual tricks of a kiss or touch here and there that would normally bring her close to orgasm don’t work anymore.
Hormonal changesFurthermore, certain areas are now out of bounds as they are too sensitive or have no sensation due to hormonal changes. One of the man’s playground, for example, suddenly changes to baby’s food; women take parenting seriously so it becomes a no go zone. The woman becomes overwhelmed due to hormonal changes and the responsibility of raising a child as well as the household and not to mention a career.
She then struggles with intimacy with her husband, especially the fact that he doesn’t understand why his advances are not always welcome and that it is harder for her to climax. This a trying time for the woman trying to juggle all these tasks as well as having a hard time comprehending the changes in her body including the trauma of childbirth; stretch marks, flopping dash board and a stretched vagina.
I would advise women to seek a mentor; an older woman who has gone through the same ordeal and, therefore, is in a better position to advise on how to cope. A woman will also do well to educate her husband on what is happening to her and urge him to be patient. She should also assure him that the declining libido has nothing to do with him or his prowess and that things will go back to near normal soon.
This education to husbands should also include where and how to touch her now that things have changed. This will hopefully result in better stimulation and lovemaking. The husbands too need to be more sensitive to their wives’ plight and assure them that despite childbirth, they are still beautiful, sexy women and encourage them to take pride in being real women; stretch marks and all — real battle signs of a great she-warrior.
Real womenHusbands should also learn how to turn on real women and spend more time on foreplay, which should include helping with the baby and other chores in and out of the house — a great turn-on for wives.
Finally, if you have doubts as to whether or not your spouse is content between the sheets then they are probably not; unless their standards are low.
Lovemaking, just like love, has to be mutual, satisfying, and emotionally high — the merging of soul and body. It not about the variations of styles or the frequency, neither is it about the number of climaxes you both archive, it is not that rush associated with quickies. The best lovemaking is slow and deliberate, where the bodies move in sync, in familiar moves that have been crafted over time and the climax is a mutual release that sheds off all worries, tensions and reaffirming the bond between the couple. Thereafter, the resulting satisfaction leads to a deep slumber for both and a glow for days and even weeks to come.