I tell young journalists I am a ‘former
Member of Parliament’ who dutifully served the nation in this capacity for six
years.
But just so that they do not treat me as a political dropout who
is past his sell-by date, I quickly lament at the Sergeant-at-Arms’ decision to
confine me to Press Gallery because I was ‘elected’ to Parliament by my
employer.
Nonetheless, this afforded me the chance to see politician as they
are, and the first thing I lost was trust in them. Here is the basis of my
cynicism with this lot that lures us to vote them under the influence of
sweet-sounding nothings like ‘Change you can believe in’, ‘Sema na kutenda’ and
‘Join the liberators’.
You see, and forgive my language, like
Michael Heseltine told British iron-fisted premier Margaret Thatcher, “Trust is
like virginity, you lose it once and you never get it back”. I have since
consulted Mr Google and found out that Heseltine was rich in the wallet but a
thief of quotes.
I must add I admire this man’s resolve, when he disagreed with
Thatcher over rescue plan for the British helicopter industry, he picked up his
papers, and walked out saying: “I can no longer be a member of this Cabinet”.
Now that is called principle – something as rare in our political
arena as water in the Namib Desert. It’s what would have made the two Deputy
Prime Ministers – Uhuru Kenyatta and Musalia Mudavadi – quit Cabinet of their
own volition.
For Uhuru because he is to face trial over some of the world’s
gravest charges, and for Mudavadi, because he’s holding it on a ticket of a
party he accords the singular honour my Somali friends reserve for saliva.
But anyway as a Nigerian proverb says, if a succulent fruit falls
next to dung, you first cover the defecation with leaves (I guess they forgot
to also advise that you hold your nose tight) as you pick the fruit. This is
what the two leaders, alongside the over 100 MPs who have long left the
parties on whose tickets they were elected, are doing.
kiss-a-frog-A-day
I also learnt their definition of ‘enemy’ is different from ours.
Why? Because to them today’s enemy could be a friend in waiting, or rather the
guy whose hand you will need to cross a certain bridge tomorrow.
So, much as they insult each other, do not be fooled that they do
not meet at night, or that they may the next day hold hands on the podium.
The politician after all is strange specie who for survival’s
sake, knows only one master – his or her interest – which is why unlike women
they can kiss a frog everyday in search of Mr or Miss Right.
That is why when Mr Joseph Kamotho who made a career out of
crowing the unprintable against Raila Odinga and Opposition against Mzee Moi,
crossed over to Tinga’s LDP, some of us who have lost the virginity called trust
were not surprised. Not even because a few months back Tinga had taken
Kamotho’s job at Kanu headquarters.
I have also seen old enemies turn friends at the altar of
political survival, just like Mr George Nyanja one day turned up to praise Moi
for saving his ‘matrimonial’ home.
And who linked him with Moi? Of course Kihika Kimani, who himself
had in 1976 led the tribal brigade that attempted to block Moi from taking over
should Mzee Jomo Kenyatta die in office.
The examples of political enmity that dissolved
on this altar are innumerable, and include how those who were close parted and
may be even reunited.
Look at late David Mwenje. He was used to remove a lackluster VP
called Josephat Karanja, and he delivered. So proud was he, like that hen Mark
Twain says laid egg and thought it was an asteroid. So proud of the job was
Mwenje he claimed his powers stemmed from sharing initials with Moi.
We can go on and on but because many never seem to learn from
history, it suffices to say, the enemy of your political leader isn’t
necessarily your enemy, and also when they point out and unite against their
enemy, it does not mean they can’t work with them if circumstances demand so.
That’s why Eugene Wamalwa and Cyrus Jirongo
are wavering in G7 Alliance. It also explains why Kiraitu Murungi is still
lonely in the ‘mbas’ (which seems to have no engine) waiting for Uhuru.
If these don’t suffice, remember how stunned Kibaki was when Raila
‘annointed’ him Tosha. It is also why William Ruto and Uhuru are trying to
catch the eye of Mudavadi, whom as long as he was with Tinga, bore the price
tag ‘useless’.
‘so-called’ enemies
It may also be true that if Mudavadi had left ODM before Ruto, my
tribesman would have stuck in there. But now I am told there is another fear of
Mudavadi; they suspect he may just be another ‘project’ like Uhuru in 2002, and
the owners may not be very different from the faces they have since fallen out
with.
It is because of this that I can’t rule out Kalonzo Musyoka,
Martha Karua, George Saitoti and Raila teaming up with a few who will fall off
the URP and TNA trucks as they sway in these political windstorms.
As we have said before, the only predictable thing in politics is
its unpredictability, and the people we should pity are the masses who follow their
leaders as far away as possible from their ‘so-called’ enemies, only to realise
in the end, they are actually friends.
The taste this leaves in the mouth is like that of a spouse who
learns his or her better half still tears bedsheets with their exes.
The writer is Managing Editor, Daily Editions, at The Standard.
ktanui@standardmedia.co.ke
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