How to give birth to a politician

KTN Kenya

Crazy World: A discovery has it that, the career choice for children is highly correlated to the behaviour of the mother during the nine months of pregnancy.

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By Mark Mutahi

New research shows that making resolutions and promises when pregnant increases the risk of giving birth to a politician.

The findings were made public following a study conducted by a group of local scientists. The researchers have been studying their research subjects for decades.

“We followed a group of women from the time of pregnancy and then after they gave birth, we kept an eye on the children,” explained Pamela Yambo, the lead researcher.

The research subjects had been divided into two sets:

“We had two groups of women. The first was known not to make promises and no New Year resolutions. The other group was a set of women who were famous for making and breaking promises at will,” explained the lead scientist.

Pregnancy

And as the scientists were to discover decades later, the career choice for the children was highly correlated to the behaviour of the mother during the nine months she was pregnant.

 “It was astonishing: 90 per cent of the children born of mothers who were always making promises and telling everyone what they wanted to hear went on to become politicians, or at least tried their hand in politics!” explained the lead scientist ecstatically.

Limelight

“For the children born of mothers who hardly made promises, and even when they occasionally did, they kept them, 80 per cent of them opted for careers that were out of the limelight. Only two per cent went close to seeking public office.”

The lead scientist went on to explain the phenomena thus: “It seems that if the mother was consistently and constantly making promises, making resolutions and telling lies while pregnant, the baby picked on this. And when they became adults, they already had a head start towards having a successful career in politics, or at least an elective leadership position offering an opportunity to dip their hands in the till!”

The research findings have sent shockwaves among pregnant women, with many of them reported to be planning not to make any New Year resolutions.

“This will save me a lot of disappointment when I eventually break them like always. What a perfect time to make the findings perfect!” observed one of the pregnant women.

The scientists see two possible scenarios emerging as a consequence of their findings.

Promises

“Some women who would never want a politician in their blood line will do everything possible to avoid making promises when pregnant. But those who know that local politics offers some of the best paying jobs in the world will do the exact opposite and go about making endless promises and resolutions so that their offspring can be assured of a good life!” hypothesised Dr Yambo.

Some politicians who did not wish to be named were not amused by the findings and wondered why scarce resources had been wasted on ‘useless research’ when there were more important things to focus on, like finding a cure for cancer or hangovers.

Others, however, behaved predictably by promising to push for more resources for a more comprehensive research and establish a Commission to investigate the findings once elected.