Letter to President Kibaki on effects of the uprising in Arab world

By Hassan Omar Hassan Dear Mr President, the effects of the seismic revolution of the Arab world are likely to be felt across Africa. The fanatical temptation to replace the old order and hold us accountable is contagious.
Our reports indicate that these uprising can be blamed on Osama bin Laden and Barack Obama aka bin Hussein. Twenty five per cent of Americans believe that bin Hussein is a Muslim. Corroborating this with information from our sources, there is reason to believe that these Muslims are working together.
Libyan intelligence informed us that bin Laden is behind the demonstrations in the Arab world. Our brother Muaamar Gaddafi has restated this fact. Reliable sources tell us that it is possible that Obama persuaded Osama to renounce violence, restrategise and unleash demonstrations to demand democracy.
You must dispatch Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka to reaffirm our support to defer any cases that may arise out of the Libyan uprising. We must not support any international intervention in Libya. Like the International Criminal Court’s intervention in Kenya, the Libyan uprising is replete of foreign interference especially by Osama. Any intervention would undermine Libya’s sovereignty and in fact promote impunity. The killing of Libyans is a domestic affair. With due fairness, what options did the authorities have?
Bin Hussein has been inciting the Muslim youth. He has been asking them to demand political participation and liberty and reach out to others to build the bridges of understanding and tolerance. He incited them during his speech to the Muslim world delivered in Cairo in 2009. Look at what befell our friend Hosni Mubarak soon after. Our sources shared with us a soft copy of the speech, which we have carefully analysed.
Bin Hussein said in his speech that his father was Muslim. Through a "Top Secret" dossier, we informed the CIA that his father was also Luo. Imagine the combination! That’s a lot of violence and incitement wrapped up together. We must not allow Obama or his Ambassador Michael Ranneberger to incite peaceful Kenyan youth. We therefore strongly advise against Obama’s visit to Kenya. We must at all times opt for stability over democracy and human rights.
Too much democracy is a threat to our stability. Africans too are not yet ready for democracy. The words of the police spokesman exude wisdom. "Human rights to an African is like giving maize to an infant". Therefore Africans must first grow up before being allowed to ‘chew and digest’ democracy or have their rights respected.
More democracy in Kenya might also accord the Al-Shabab and other outlawed groups an opportunity to takeover power. This will immerse the region into terrorism and give rise to Islamic extremism. We have appraised the CIA and FBI of this threat. We are also copying this report to them to shed more light on the threat democracy and human rights presents to the security and stability of the Middle East and Africa.
Credible intelligence indicates that Obama is a project of the CIA. This early warning is instructive on the need to wind up this project come the 2012 US Presidential elections. We must also closely align ourselves with the right wing in the US. Like us, they believe in security over liberties for Muslims who are overwhelming terrorists.
As for your own hold on power, there is no cause for alarm. Unlike Mubarak, our people are with us, and the US and the West needs us. We have also successfully turned to China. What is now required is to attract more Chinese tourists.
Yours faithfully and truthfully,
Mr Insider,
P.O. Kitchen Cabinet
—The writer is a commissioner with KNCHR