Ladies and gentlemen, It is with overflowing joy that I announce the arrival of my new born infant into planet earth. A fine little boy, who couldn’t wait to free himself from the shackles of his mother’s placenta, so that he could hold Tilapia with his bare hands.
For those who haven’t gotten the memo yet, his compound noun is Jayden Otieno and his initials are J.O but you can call him Jay O or J-Otis. It just depends on which generation you originate from as well as your individual preference.
Do not be shocked that I went to pick him with a limousine – a Hummer to be exact. This is nothing but pure normalcy for distinguished humans like me who ooze success . You see, they say teach your son how to be a star and he’ll be the universe. And that’s what I want my son to be – the universe.
There exists no doubt in my powerful mind that my son will be just like Aristotle, Albert Einsten, Alexander Flemming, Robert Ludlum or Barack Obama, my cousin.
I would also like to inform you that my son has already been showered with numerous gifts from all my relations in the diaspora as well as industry heavyweights.
Uncle Odhis who is studying Nuclear Engineering in Israel has brought frankincense, gold and myrrh from Jerusalem. Aunt Akinyi who is a distinguished principle in one of our national schools has brought bestseller novels from renowned authors.
Okach on the other hand has already delivered the I-Phone 6 as promised. Just to name a few. Let me not bombard you with too much information because that is the job of CNN and Aljazeera.
Finally I just want to air out my gratitude to all the blogs that published my story and stole my pictures.
Those photos were taken from my expensive Sony camera. You need to issue me with royalties on your revenues by the way or I might just mercilessly slap you with a lawsuit. Omera I am just kidding. Don’t panic. Donge?
Note: This is a creative satirical speech and not the words of Jayden’s father
By Philip Etemesi
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