Don’ts for husbands

By Bi Mapenzi

Why are so many marriages breaking up? Why are couples finding it more difficult to live with each other a few months after their wedding?

Is it that both go into the marriage with unrealistic expectations of each other, only for those to be shattered weeks into the marriage?

With the breakdown and abandonment of traditional roles and responsibilities for men and women, relations between men and women have become confused. Where elders once provided rules and guidelines on how husbands and wives should behave towards each other, that guidance is no more and what we have is people practicing trial and error in their marriages, and reading ‘how to’ books to help them along. When these don’t work, they seek ‘help’ from their friends, who know no better than them.

The truth is, when we mix up the roles of a married man with that of a married woman, then there is bound to be confusion as the lines between them begin to blur. In other words, when a woman takes on the responsibilities of her husband, she becomes the man of the house, rendering her husband useless.

Similarly, when a husband takes on his wife’s responsibilities, he becomes the woman of the house and renders her useless.

Therefore, in order to make marriages work, clear lines outlining each partner’s ‘job’ in the union must be drawn, with minimal allowances for exceptions.

To start us off, let us look at the things married men should never do. Next week I will reveal what married women should never do.

1. Go to the kitchen to cook any meal, including to take a drink of water: This is the wife’s role, and she can get a helper if she finds this task too much, especially if she works during the day.

2. Wash his clothes, including his underwear: How else will the wife know what he has been up to? Many women draw a line where washing their husband’s inner wear is concerned, but this is the best way to arrest any unwanted ‘visitors’ to your home.

3. Never heat his bathing water. When he requires to bathe, he should let his wife know and she should do the needful.

4. Never allow his wife to drive when he is around, or take the car to the garage. That’s his job.

5. Never select his wardrobe. That’s his wife’s job — to determine what he should wear where and when, including his underwear. She must know where everything of his is.

6. Never allow his wife to pay any bills in the home — rent, school fees, electricity, water, insurance, hospital bills, groceries, service charge, mortgage, credit payments, etc. All these fall under the man’s docket.

7. Never remain jobless for more than two months, as bills must continue to be paid.

8. A man should never be broke. He must save for rainy days, which include the days he is out of work for those two months.

9. He should never beat his wife, for whatever reason. If he is angered greatly by her, he can walk away.

10. Never belittle his wife in front of the children, otherwise taking care of them, including disciplining them, will be difficult.

11. Never ogle at another woman in his wife’s presence.

12. Never disrespect his wife, especially in public. Similarly, he should never disrespect her family and relatives.

13. Abandon his family.

14. Waste the family’s resources with friends or through alcohol/drug abuse at the expense of the wife and children. In other words, he should not party with his friends all the time.

15. He should never be a negative role model for his children. They must always look up to him because of his model behaviour. No coming home drunk all the time or lying to the children with empty promises.

16. Finally, he should never stop loving his wife and the mother of his children.