Sunday, December 26, 2010

Couples battle over holiday destination


Tom Otieno | NATION Travellers jostle to board a bus at Country Bus Station in Nairobi. While husbands often favour spending Christmas with their families upcountry, wives often cry foul for not being consulted over the decision.
Tom Otieno | NATION Travellers jostle to board a bus at Country Bus Station in Nairobi. While husbands often favour spending Christmas with their families upcountry, wives often cry foul for not being consulted over the decision. 
By Wangechi Wahome newsdesk@ke.nationmedia.com Posted Friday, December 24 2010 at 21:00
In Summary
  • While husbands favour a trip to the village, their wives are crying foul as their views are not considered

It is the Christmas season when everyone is meant to be in a forgiving mood, yet the battle of the sexes is still raging on. Couples all over the country have been squabbling over their Christmas plans.
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It is generally accepted that Christmas holidays should be spent with loved ones, more so family, but agreeing on how and where to spend the holidays is a major bone of contention for couples.
The debate has even been carried over to FM radio stations, where the issue has been hotly debated.
Nowadays, children are more likely to have one or both parents who were raised in any of Kenya’s urban areas. The young parents did not walk barefoot to school, never had to look after cattle or tend the shamba.
It there is usually a surprise when one half of the couple suggests a Christmas vacation in the village.
Most Kenyans believe urban areas are only meant for work, but the village is where ‘home’ actually is.
This view is held by the older generation. However, young ones who only visit the countryside to see their grandparents during school holidays would beg to differ.
During a call-in debate at an FM station last week, women called in complaining about their husbands’ choices of where to spend Christmas, with some openly declaring that they would not join their husbands upcountry.
The Saturday Nation spoke to two women who disagreed with their husbands’ choice of holiday destinations.
Phyllis, who requested anonymity for fear of victimisation, has been married for a couple of years. She was born and raised in Nairobi, but is married to a man brought up in Western Kenya.
Hard day’s work
Her husband’s idea of a good time is travelling upcountry and having a good time with his childhood friends. He likes helping around the farm.
Every Christmas, they visit his parents and stay for up to a week. After a hard day’s work, he goes to the village pub and returns late in the night. Phyllis, on the other hand, likes staying indoors watching TV.
This year, however, she has different plans and will not visit her husband’s rural home. She plans to visit her own parents.
“My husband is not amused by my decision and he keeps telling me that I am selfish because I can see my parents any time I want as they live in Nairobi,” she said.
She does not see it this way, she thinks he is the selfish one.
She also thinks that her in-laws think she is lazy because she is not fond of working in the shamba.
“They have this belief that if your hands are not calloused, then you have never worked a day in your life,” she explained.
Anne, who also requested anonymity, is married to a man much older than her. Anne’s husband prefers spending Christmas in the village, surrounded by family and friends.
Family in this case consists of  Anne, her two children, her husband and the three children of her husband’s first wife. Plus the extended family.

Her husband was a widower when she met him. 
They did not have much opposition when settling down because his children were already grown-up. Once they were through with college, they moved out almost immediately.
Anne had never really felt the tension that comes along with being part of the family until Christmas time came.
“Those children looked at me like an intruder, they did not hide their disdain for me,” said Anne. Her husband was so happy at having his whole family back together that he did not notice anything amiss.
She thought that the next year would be different, but she was wrong.
Step-children
“Their father adores them and he tries very hard to make them not feel the loss of their mother,” she says of her step-children.
She says that she feels unwelcome in her own home during the holidays. She would rather go and spend time with her own siblings than be around people who see her as an impostor.
“I have told my husband about how I feel and he always assures me that he will take of it,” she said. Their two children also do not like spending Christmas with the family.
“Last year, they went to spend Christmas with my parents and for a whole month all we heard was how much fun they had,” she said.
They also want to spend this Christmas with their grandparents and when she asked them why, the older one who is 12, told her that one of their step-brothers does not like her.
That dampened her spirit, but she is determined to make good of a bad situation as she knew it would not be an easy ride when she married a widower.
“I will have keep trying, this after all is my family,” she said with a lot of determination in her voice.

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